THE ENEMY ON THE MIRROR

The neglected heroic nature in us that we often neglect

ALSO AVAILABLE IN ON SOUNDCLOUD: https://soundcloud.com/nhlanhla-mafarafara/the-enemy-on-the-mirror

When was the last time you had a great idea and was excited about it? or when was the last time you fell in love and destroyed the relationship because of internal imbalances, fear, negative beliefs, false information, etc?

There are people who were given good opportunities in life; be it to start businesses, to be in be married and build a happy marriage, to be employed or promoted in a job, to inherit a good legacy from their parents, to enrol in a good education program, to be superstars, etc but they sabotaged their futures without the help of another person.

You will understand it as you read along

It is said that most successful people in the world are not always the academically smart people in the world. But it’s people who have learned to understand and know that the one person who is responsible for anything in their lives is themselves.

someone said that most of you if you could kick the person who is responsible for your problems so hard with an iron nose shoe, you would not be able to sit down for few days.

Who is the enemy in the mirror?

If you take your mirror right now, you will see your enemy in full view. Unfortunately we chose to see fairy tales when we look at our lives. We go to the mirror to see the make-up, hair styles, etc. We never take a moment to reflect on who we are and what we are.

The enemy in the mirror is the combination of your attitude, your language, your values, your beliefs, and your daily routine. Unfortunately, most of the people don’t know that they have this enemy in them.  I write in my book, Step to the next level,  about some powerful principles about how to become the person that you really need to be come in order to achieve your goals and fulfil your dreams.

When and how do we see the enemy?

You see this enemy I you when you talk about dreams, projects, growth, healthy living, commitment, and many other things that grown and mature people have to do to lead a meaningful life.

1. You begin to pursue comfort than growth. Instead of challenging yourself, you assume the status of arrival as though success is destination. You sit and choose to relax and shy away from growth.

2. Fantasising on how things should be but neglecting the work required to realise it. Some people expect some impossible perfection with themselves and others. There is a certain feeling of euphoria when your mind tells you all is good and you don’t need to do anything to change it or improve. it is almost as though you live in a  bubble.

3. Obsession over examining personal failures instead of successes

4. Refusing to change. Its easy to maintain the status quo, even though not fulfilling to keep it. the reason why many people never get promotion is not related to their education status. Some of the reasons, if you look deeply to why people divorce, steal,  etc its related to their refusal to bear the responsibility of changing their negative beliefs and behaviours

5. Angry at everyone.  I’m sure you have met such people who go around lashing at everyone. These people would use a hammer to kill a fly and destroy everything around it. Small things tend to be made big.

6. Personal Neglect

Where does the enemy within come from

1. Beliefs:  some people only see doom because their mental disposition is terrible. When they look inside, they see a failed, miserable, sick, unsuccessful person

2. Past experiences: some of the things that people have gone through in life makes them turn to sabotage themselves. Some are deep psychological wounds coming from what happened when a young man was constantly abuses when he was still young. What happens to a woman who was once subjected to emotional or sexual abuse.

3. Past Exposures. The things we do, we do because we have been socialised into believing that they are OK.

4. Unresolved hurts,

5. Past failures without positive reinforcement

6. Parents. They can contribute greatly to how children grow to be. Some parents fight battles with their spouses uses their children (whether married or not)

Behavioural patterns that support self sabotage

1. Having fears that are larger than your faith.

Human beings are designed to grow. But their internal makeup is that of homeostasis or equilibrium. Whenever you want to do something new, your mind will first try by all means to convince you about how bad things may be if you break the balance that you already have. The mind does not tell you of new equilibrium. It shows you unstable things. But you can train it otherwise.

The mind always jumps to survival mode when you are faced with a Unknown territory. Progressive people are not fearless people; they are people who are comfortable in the unknown. In that way, they don’t avoid fear.

You must be brave enough to take action into the areas that causes your palms to sweat. Often times, the things that we are afraid of doing are only hard to start but fun later and most rewarding. Think of the 16000 men and women who ran 90km Comrades Marathon this past weekend…

2. Tendency to blame the outer conditions for everything.  

People work hard to find something wrong with the world they live in. All people are self-made, but only the successful tend to admit it (Brian Tracy). Those who fail refuse to take responsibility.

I am unemployed because the government does not want to hire. I can’t get married because I grew up in an abusing home. And they use these self-limiting reasons continue to sabotage their lives. I did not go school because my parents do not have money.

While that may be true, there are also other students worse than you or similar who studies so hard they did not have to focus on their parents’ problems. Ordinary people stay stuck because they blame external conditions instead of seeing opportunities in their challenges

3. Waiting for someone to save you instead of taking responsibility for their lives.  

You’ll here, if so and so was here, my life would be better. If my husband was here, he would do this, etc. you must love yourself enough to be able to fix your own issues sometimes, without the external aid. I think this is one Africa’s problems. Most poor people are waiting for Government to provide solutions. And the government is looking for people to partner with who will come up with good solutions for our villages and townships.

4. Lack of drive and ambition.  

Martin Luther King Jr said anyone who does not have anything that he is willing to die for by the age of 21 is not worthy to be alive.

5. Valuing other people’s attention over personal values.  

When last did you spend time alone and not worry about what you will be missing out. Most people are not content with themselves. And they are never satisfied with their small achievements. If no one says well done to them, they will be miserable all day. Have you met those people who will dress up so nice and get angry if you don’t say anything?

6. Negative and self-limiting beliefs

Some people tend to believe that the world is all up against them and nothing will ever work out positively for them. they can find anything to use against themselves at any time.

7. Low self confidence

8. Doubt:  you doubt yourself more than anybody ever will

9. Lack of originality and sense of ownership for personal craft

10. Broken focus syndrome. Most people are addicted to destruction and are caught up in them. Be it phones, TV, Radio. They spend the best hours of their prime days and hours pursing things that done even quench a thirst.